pseudo-feather

Dirty Jobs

2012-01-28T17:43:00.002+08:00

What exactly is the definition of dirty jobs?

In our context today, are we still referring to physical, literal, rubbish-clearing & toilet-cleaning jobs as dirty jobs? Or can we also refer tasks which no one will willingly take up as dirty jobs?
Crap jobs, or tasks are usually the ones that are extras, take up additional time for nothing, or belong to others.
And in a vicious corporate world today, sadly shit jobs are always around.

Today i discover the importance of EQ. Or rather, i discovered how serious it can get when you LACK EQ. There's some we refer to as bimboes, and others i just don't have a name for. 'Bimbo' is an understatement. It really does seem like some people really do think with their boobs.
It makes me wonder, why haven't I come across such people until now?
Maybe my good luck has run out. Its as if I've switched from being a small fish in the big sea, to a big fish in a small pond. And this pond is seriously getting pretty small.
Need to find a way to get back into the big sea.

Our social life

2012-01-14T01:06:00.001+08:00

Our social life, or should I say my social life, has officially got reduced to having dinner in constant fear while hugging my iPad checking and replying emails.
Getting back to work somehow saw job scopes greatly elevated to another level, stress wise.
Its a myth- how exactly am I supposed to get Everything done? Perhaps that's why some chose work and others choose life. It might just be a simple issue that it's almost impossible for anyone to really have both.
For who exactly so we work so hard for? For what exactly do we stress out so much for? And at the end of the day, what do we really get out of it?
If it's really just money, it might be an easier choice. Can we really put a price tag on the sleepless nights, the ridiculous demands, and the countless 'sorries' we so readily repeat everyday.
To whom do we always owe these apologies? To whom do we owe this life? And till when should we constantly tell ourselves to take a step back and let the world have their way instead of mine.

New Year Resolution - f a i l

2012-01-12T01:10:00.001+08:00

New year resolution for 2012
1st on the list is to go to bed by midnight at least 5 days a week, & by 2am for the rest of the two nights (I.e. Friday and Saturday nights)

Plan super fail. Everyday I get the same feeling of 'why do I still have so much to do?!' work really does seem never-ending. Is there a particular reason why? Someone once mentioned that people who always OT might just be inefficient enough and hence the extra time required to work overtime. I hate to believe that I fall into that category. But I just might, one day, need to face the fact that my productivity level is really insufficient for the amount of work load piled on my desk. In sales, work is supposed to be a happy problem no?

That leads to my new year resolution #1 part 2 - to prove to myself and/or others that I CAN. Even if not for others but for myself. This might just be a opportunity to push myself to yet another level I never knew I can achieve.
Objective: to leave for hone before 9pm everyday with all work that can be done, done.
Time schedule: 3 weeks.
Reward: more sleep.

More sleep, more water, more fruits, more reading, less unhealthy activities leads to a better 2012.
Happy 2012!

Heavy heart

2011-11-08T00:36:00.001+08:00

Tower Heist was a good show, funny and good plot, though logic of the plot could use some work, but hey, out of the ordinary always happens in the movies right?

It was money well-spent and a movie that ought to make you leave the cinema feeling good, but somehow I walked out with a heavy heart.

If I can't find the right words, I'm afraid my world will just stay still and never move again. Ever again.
I'm not exactly sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I guess people grow old, then they tend to stop trying new things, or stop trying to change the world, or make a difference, or speak their minds, or even forgot who it is they wanted to be.

As the days pass, I'm still not that sure if I want to grow up/old or not. Is it denial? Or is it just a phase? Or is it a pessimistic mindset? It might very well be the hormones, I guess we'll never find out, would we?

Yet another long day ahead

2011-09-21T22:05:00.003+08:00

Its going to be yet another long day tomorrow.
2 days of medical leave doesn't exactly feel like much rest though, with one full day of constant phone calls and checking of emails and the other returning back to office.

On the brighter side, I did manage to make a trip down to my neighbourhood wet market with Mom this morning. Those were the days when I still went grocery-shopping with her every weekend. Feels nostalgic to see how the place changed so much, though its cleaner and much dryer even though its still referred to as the 'wet market', I still can't believe its been so many years.

I kept thinking this stomach thing was caused by the bakuteh i had last night, but somehow my brother-in-law's find after having three large bowls last night. Perhaps I should really trust my doctor when he says its stomach flu.

Stomach flu it is then.

Great start to the week!

2011-09-19T21:15:00.000+08:00

It was indeed awesome weather today, with the little breeze after the rain and a slight sunshine, even the air-conditioning in office feels so much cleaner and positive.
Its positive energy all round. Which is generally good i guess.

Plus we finally overcame the huge obstacle of sitting down and patiently plotting out the days we decide to take our leaves. All these hassle we have to go through due to the really lean manpower we're currently facing now, just to avoid those moments we have to exclaim "There's just NOBODY around!"
With a combination of 21.5days to take from now till end of October, plus all those black out dates with events and move in, we find ourselves with countless weeks of 3 and 4-day weeks.

And also contributing to the this really good start of the day would be a pretty constructive weekend spent. To unwind the long week we had, flavorful fruit beer and refreshing crab salad at East Coast Brussel Sprout did the job beautifully. Of course a healthy session of gossiping about pretty celebrities did help too. Although we struggled like people-growing-old whether to step foot into Zouk on a Friday night to party with the teenagers, having decided not to was really a good choice made. Oh those hours of sleep was so so dear. And half of Sat was spent in office with brainstorms and stacks of paper works, followed by another good beer at Gardens (The place called Smoked Steak or sth? Its beside Happydaze.) resulted in supergoodsleep as well. I was ohsoshagged.

Sunday was good too because I discovered the amazing ability of Google map. DO YOU KNOW? That you can actually VIEW the streets of almost anywhere on the map as long as its on Google map, and then even travel on the road as if you're walking there? The picture quality is so good, it feels like i'm physically on the streets of Taipei walking and browsing already. Only thing is each step we take is pretty small and then the map has to reload the next view all over again. Then again, i'm not complaining. I should totally go check out the streets in Europe or something. (:
Half of Sunday was spent doing good workout with the help of yet another crown of advanced technology - Kinect. Fun amidst sweating out all those fats and cholesterol that accumulates over the days and weeks spent sitting in office, i'm beginning to feel like it'll make a good investment! But then again, the hokkienmee, salad youtiao, sambal potato leaves and chicken wings at Chomp Chomp sort of set us back where we started. Oh wells.

And today passed pretty quietly with no MAJOR hiccups or complains or huge balls of negative energy around, so all in all, good day!
Some might say 'don't speak too soon', but I choose to bask in this aura of positive energy all the more, knowing that good times might not always last. If i can get my cheque for my claims tomorrow, it'll be an even more awesome day.

Leisure work-day

2011-07-21T13:08:00.002+08:00

Is there such a term as a 'leisure-work-day'?

Somehow feeling this way seems abit wrong. Like i should be watching my back cause i'm bound to be forgetting something that'll probably return to bite my in the ass some time later.

Or some may refer this to 'living-in-fear'. Simply put, constant stress?

This is also probably why stress-relief options are thriving in the market. Overly-used terms coined to con working adults into putting all their hard-earn money in hope of receiving some form of consolation or relief to all the negativity and crap work has poured on them on a daily basis. I suppose, just like any other form of emotion, stress is also a state of mind.

But this state, is harder to get rid of, since stressors are all over the place.

The sky feels blue today, and the grass is green (be it only on my desktop window). Nevertheless, the combination of great nature colours never fail to make life slightly more bearable, even if its just for that little while.

2011-07-11T15:27:00.002+08:00

Didn't start as a very good day for the week, but small problems can always be solved with smart solutions. Hope the time off i get can let me figure out the best solution for the problem.

Breathe everyone.

2011-06-30T09:39:00.002+08:00

I don't make the decisions but i take the blame. And i really have NO friggin time to entertain all your petty feelings.

Try take criticisms that you're not owning your project and then turned around and get your ideas shot down. Then when people are not of help, you take the blame as well.

You wanna play the blame game? I have no time for it. Seriously.

2 meetings, 2 briefings, 1 quotation and 1 proposal to get out by the end of the day.

Try it.

2011-06-08T23:43:00.002+08:00

Ironically, situations have constantly be changing all the time.

It started with all the excitement of hands-on on-site experience as compared to the dull and ultimate boredom in office, slowly moved on to tasting all the horrific demands 0f projects and clients leading me to believe in the goodness and shelter stay in office can bring. Then as time goes by, we learn to handle the toughest and the meanest, constantly staying on our toes and come out at the end of the day unharmed and surprise, but then finding ourselves bombarded by things in our inbox that throws you off again.

They say its a steep learning curve, I say its a continuous hurdle challenge. One by one they come at you once you've overcome it, never does it give you time to stop and even think about how far you've gone, or how many you've either knocked down or crossed successfully. Then again, looking back can never bring you far, forward should always be the way we're moving.

Somehow i find myself saying so very often nowadays, "Live to fight another day".

There's just too many 'another day' for us to die right now.

2011-06-03T14:00:00.000+08:00

STOP THREATENING ME!

Monitor caught me not wearing nametag

2011-05-31T10:51:00.003+08:00

This is what i call 'looking for stupid excuse'. So coming in together at 10 beats coming in alone at 950. what kind of bullshit is that. Look into the mirror before you make any comments, just because i don't suck up to you like some likearse do doesn't mean i'm not delivering results. Ask yourself honestly, how many valuable subordinates have you lost over the last two years to leave you in a situation like this.

What happen to those times we come in fucking early without anyone around. You'd say its expected, i'd say people around are not setting a good example. Honestly, why are we taking such crap preaching on professionalism when examples are not set but these useless idiots go around challenging our actions.

You want a Monitor for the class? You'll get a Prefect.

2011-05-17T21:27:00.002+08:00

Growing up officially sucks.

I seriously don't know how the hell i draaggged myself out of bed this morning still feeling lethargic and crappy just to get my ass to Suntec at 830am. Something along the line of responsibility and work keeps ringing in my bed. Its a goddamn public holiday.

When you're young, there's fun everywhere. From recess time to bed rides home from school to weekend shopping sessions at the malls. But somehow growing up just means that even scheduling relaxing sessions is a chore. And plans doesn't always go the way we want it, i've learnt in all lines.

There will always be demanding and anal clients who make last minute changes or snarl remarks simply just to show people they're not nice.

On a brighter side, there's also nice people around who make it a point to show their appreciation. I really must say that i'm pretty lucky this time round with all my clients. But, the show's not over, so we shall see.

2011-04-26T17:46:00.004+08:00

at 540pm today, woman X spoilt the whole day.

She should take note of how much money i just stuffed down her throat this morning.

If you ask me, they don't deserve this 5digits.

2011-04-24T02:07:00.005+08:00

I have empty space on my table!

In my attempt to achieve a room like deer's, i've successfully cleared out approximately 50% of my stuff away. Although i must admit that a slight percentage of that was achieved by housing things into unseen areas, but hey, that's considered packing right? What's good is there's actually working space on my table. I like. (:

I would say the last 2 hours was probably the most well-spent time this long weekend. Apart from the 1hr+ i've spent with my dear maid of honor attempting to get a moving on this planning process, but somehow our over-enthusiastic idea-churning marklim didn't exactly help alot by distracting us with a constant 'aye! i know! blahblahblah' with 'blahblahblah' representing either a very off-topic idea, or some random youtube video or song.

Oh wells, we still manage to put together many random thoughts and a super messy conclusion which my dear ivy is tasked to draft into a neat set of minutes to be submitted for my approval.

Perhaps i should start to draft my step-by-step plan as well, a forecast for the next two years will be good. I've always have thoughts to plan ahead but somehow things doesn't exactly materialize always. Problem is, many times when i actually plan out the 'right' way of things to achieve my goal, the path doesn't really seem appealing at all. Or even when i initially believe that this is how its supposed to happen, somehow whenever it comes to decision making times, all those planning just goes out the window in a jiff. Maybe the problem is not not planning, but not planning realistically?

Still, i still very much enjoy that impromptu-ness i've so always pride myself to own, just that it doesn't seem to be bringing me places i want to be. Then again, i've never really sat down and thought about where exactly i want to be (like with details and all, its always just rough ideas), hence the theory about lack of planning doesn't really apply, does it?

But i plan from time to time, I mean i do plan a little, at least at the eleventh hour, when i really absolutely have to, I do stop myself from jumping into situations i know i'll definitely regret. I guess i'll never be like the sort of planning person like dre since randomness is like in my blood or something, but i sure can try. (:

So, we'll have to first start with the final goal. Like with exact details this time round. *grins.

2011-04-22T23:24:00.004+08:00

I don't know if its the show i've been watching recently, but somehow a familiar feeling is slowly creeping back into my life. And its a good feeling. (:

Its a feeling when i can't stop thinking about something/someone, randomly start giggling to myself, and that feeling of comfort with a peace of mind. For the first time in a very very long time, this isn't trying to find a safe place to get away from all the awful things, but instead, all the unhappy stuff just doesn't compare to this huge big nice bubble i'm in.

And i think there's this boy who played a very big part in all this. This boy who lingered around for a very long time; this boy who, for some reason, is still here with me today.

Anyhow, let's hope this feeling stays for a long long time. (:

2011-04-14T12:21:00.001+08:00

It is in MY hands to make today a GOOD day!

2011-04-13T12:34:00.002+08:00

There is only one stressor, and let's just call it the W dude.

Sometimes i just don't understand the relevance of his tone. When its not my problem and I don't make it my problem, he makes it sound like i irresponsibly neglect the problem totally. When its not my problem and I make it my problem, he makes me sound stupid by making it his problem. Bottom line, he is my problem.

It only makes me feel like crying whenever I have to talk to him. Does it really have to reduce to that?

Honestly speaking, the learning curve has come to this abrupt halt since questioning is not exactly his cup of tea.

He makes the world so hateful, the skies so grey, the mood so gloomy and this place so sad.

Somehow this feels like a weakness, to let him get to me. Its me I should live for, its me that deserve to be happy everyday, its me that I should be working hard for everyday, not him.

Please let him turn into this rock on the ground that I can climb over.

What a source of depressing thoughts.

2011-03-30T01:05:00.001+08:00

I'm 25, a graduate, employed full-time & engaged. (: this should be the beginning of a really exciting time!

2011-03-25T14:58:00.001+08:00

There is NO REASON i should be bullied by you!

You asshole son of a bitch.

Just because you lead a sad lonely pathetic life, doesn't mean people around you should suffer as well. You get cursed at least three times a day, and hope you die this way. No one is going to pity you!

1 million dollars my ass. Honestly speaking, we have almost reached a point where 1 million dollars is no longer worthwhile to take the crap from you.

DO NOT BULLY ME OR I WILL BITE YOU!

2011-03-12T04:13:00.000+08:00

In return, who will be kind to me?

2011-03-08T00:12:00.001+08:00

Don't say i didn't try.

2011-03-05T23:36:00.001+08:00

I'm not trained to be weakened; I'm trained to service my clients so let me do my friggin' job.

self.

2011-03-05T22:40:00.002+08:00

This is one of those days when i'm so damn close to having a good day, and it all has to go down the drain rrriiiiggghhttt at the end of the day.

Yes it was a tiring day, but it was a day when everyone was good, co-operative, and efficient.

And things just has to go wrong in the end. Or rather people just has to screw things up. And like always, it the very person you should be counting on to make life difficult for you.

Basically, i need to find a way to stop myself from turning into another one of those cover-my-own-ass zombies one day. There's just too many of them around.

My special moment

2011-02-26T23:04:00.003+08:00

If my life was a movie, it would be far from becoming any block-buster at this point. You know how some movies have these really lousy parts where it'll almost force you to walk out of that cinema? Well, i certainly hope it isn't going to be half of the entire show.

There just doesn't seem to be any good around somehow, or maybe i'm just lacking smiles and sleep. To laugh it off is what i need. Like a really really good laugh. But wherever i look, there doesn't seem to be a good enough reason for now.

Every job is tough, but the people sometimes makes it even tougher. It feels like a fight everyday when i step into office. Carefully tip-toeing around to avoid any land mines, on super-alert all day just looking out for someone firing from the other side.

I'm turning 25, life is just beginning. I wish i was just as excited as i was a couple of years back. Now that i am living the life, there's just too many little things that still far from what i'd always wanted.

White walls, nice spacious balcony, ample sunlight with a delightful cup of tea in the morning. Leisurely mornings, reading papers with a bowl of cereal before its time to drive myself to work all dressed up in a nice little dress. And after i'm done with work, take a slow drive home accompanied by some good music, put together a quick and delicious meal for me and my loved one, have a nice shower in my classy bathroom with gorgeous tiles, have a good read to wind down before snuggling under my most comfortable sheets.

These days, i find thinking like this makes me feel a little better. Just a little, although nothing beats a friggin' good laugh.

I'm tired. Really tired.

Oh how i hate growing up.

Eu-stress?

2011-02-19T11:28:00.002+08:00

This is a hateful time.

High-stress is just not enough a word for it. Haven't exactly tried living an entire week with days literary flying by. And i'm finally feeling for those people who always wish to have more than 24hrs a day.

At school, all these whining of not having enough time and all is often accompanied by a pang of good ol' guilt, knowing that sometime not long ago, time could be more well-spent.

This, however, is a completely different story.

It was a full day of things that had to be done, mad running around, phone ringing frantically, and yet there's still this list of things to do.

How i miss my times of random thoughts, time to clear my head and spend some time thinking, just of random things and not info i force into my head. All those leisurely waits for buses to arrive is soon going to vanish completely, i just have a feeling. And now, the next best thing, is the luxury of that little place i allow myself to only read before going to bed and not think or do anything else.

Doodling. Yes i miss doodling too. When i grab a piece of paper and just start drawing/writing whatever that pops into my head. oh how i miss doodling.

2011-01-28T12:43:00.001+08:00

There isn't 'sadness' in my dictionary, only 'revenge'.

p/s: I'm not sorry for my positivity.

A full day of Tension

2011-01-17T22:06:00.002+08:00

It was tension starting from 930am in the morning, all the way till i reached home and sat at my dining table at 930pm at night.
An entire 12 hours of tension.
I wonder how am i gonna find a way to ease my nerves for me to actually get to sleep tonight.
Conclusion of the day: NEVER buy ANY form of electronics from MUSTAFA.
Every single piece of electronic i've bought from there in the past 2 months has failed me, ALREADY. I have never been more disappointed in any purchase before. pissed of.

The day just vanished before my eyes, its literary meetings after meetings, and before i knew it, its already 7pm before i had time to really sit down at my desk and get some work done. And all the paper works has already piled up that high.
It is however, a day of good weather. Not forgetting the fact that my blocked running nose has miraculously got much better when i woke up this morning. Perhaps its a blessing in disguise, i have no idea how i would have survived the day with a dripping nose.

There's just so so much on my brain constantly! But some part of my secretly enjoy this highly-tensed time. Maybe because i'd rather be so damn occupied than just sitting around aimlessly.
Yes i'm getting work done, and yes i've still got truck loads to do. No i won't be able to get everything done in a day, and yes i'll prolly take a more than 3 full days of work (full days meaning 9am to 12mn) to complete EVERYTHING. But i can't help but keep wanting to finish everything like now! rawr.
And it doesn't help that cny is coming, and i've yet to even start on my spring-cleaning, let alone get around to do that re-painting i've so wanted to do before cny. And there's some office chalet this weekend, to so-called 'kick off' the year. What kick off when i'm already BURIED in the abundant sea of work. I don't expect my situation to get any better before the end of march. Its just gonna be a constant high-stress period.
To power ahead, i foresee many random moments of rambling, mood swings, revenge-eating, impulsive-shopping, drag-myself-to-work-when-i-feel-like-shit-mornings, and even extreme measures to make sure i regulate my breathing from time to time.
This stress is currently elevating my productivity at the moment, but i foresee it taking a toll on my soul some time in the near future.
Before i find the opportunity to slow down, i'm gearing up for war.

its the new year

2011-01-03T01:42:00.002+08:00

its already the new year and i feel like i'm not catching up.
i won't exactly say i've got the best of start for 2011. So much has been going on the past month its tough to even just try to pick up.
more often than not i find myself in a position unable to give a 110% due to different constraints, and hence have got to compromise. And all thus compromising seems like they'll one day fall apart.
There is fear, that this day might just be lurking around.
Happy 2011? I'm noot too sure.

christmas time is here

2010-12-21T01:17:00.002+08:00

finally, i'm feeling the spirit of christmas, with just 3 more days to go, i'm not even near prepared for the holidays!
Its gonna be a mad rush for the next 3 days, constant test of my multi-tasking skills but i'm so looking forward, to the short holidays we have next week.
its christmas time again!

2010-12-05T23:58:00.000+08:00

when did christmas stop being magical?

change is the only constant

2010-11-19T00:09:00.003+08:00

i'm fueled by changes and mundane is my most potent posion.
For change means its never the same, and somehow there's always this insatiable urge for new changes. All things same means old over time, and old just links to yellow and dusty immeadiately.
For in my world, i've figured, change is indeed the only constant.

2010-11-17T17:56:00.002+08:00

Feels like a Sunday afternoon somehow, perhaps its the knowledge that all hell's gonna break loose soon.

I wanna take a good walk in the park, daydream about the beautiful house i'm gonna have in future that comes with great windows that let all the sunlight in while i sit on the comfortable couch watching awesome movies on my hugeass flat screen.

I can't help but let out a cynical laugh.

oh wells, air-con & bed do good for now. (:

2010-11-16T10:28:00.000+08:00

fuck you store man.

2010-11-15T01:54:00.001+08:00

truth is, sometimes, we're just looking for an easy way out; but most of the time, we're just praying that something good drops into our lap by chance.
How many of us actually have something real to look forward to each morning?
If only looking forward to christmas can take up a huge part of life like it used to; if i'm gonna write to santa, where should i mail it now?

2010-11-02T18:28:00.001+08:00

i just wanna have an early dinner so that my food's hot.
I just wanna do something apart from just sleeping in the afternoon.
I just wanna take a walk to the grocery store, is it really that bad?

yellow yellow dirty fellow

2010-10-18T22:34:00.004+08:00

I have decided that yellow is definitely NOT my colour.

Apparently nothing has gone well ever since i've got these yellow nails in an attempt to bring along some happy colours with me everyday.

First, babe time was cut short right after manicure since her bf-time got brought forward. Then the procrastinating nature in me got slightly out of hand when i decided to spend the night at dre's, knowing very well that i wanted to clock some photoshoot prep-time the same night.

Then Sunday was slightly more subtle with the negativity, with the shoot starting 2hrs late (which i must admit i kinda expected) & some of the pieces were quite depressing, the company was still good though (:

Then my sunday boyf-time got cancelled when dre had to OT+an early start on monday. And hence, staying in came pretty naturally. You know, the contradicting part comes in when i've been solookingforward to a day to slack at home, but it didn't turn out as good as i've expected. I was tired but couldn't pull myself away from the comp in time. By the time i hit the sacks last night, it was waayyyy past midnight. There goes the bright & early start.

It is, however, consoling that i didn't oversleep this morning. On the contrary, i was awake even before my alarm went off. Got myself to office thinking that waking up without an alarm was a good sign (i couldn't be more wrong).

It was indeed a depressing day at work.

It was negativity from the start till the end, with work continue to pour in from all directions and spilling over into the weekend. It has to be this weekend. Oh well, i guess it's kinda fated ain't it. Funny.

If tomorrow isn't gonna turn for the better, i swear i'm getting rid of these yellow nails.

Oh and today i realise i really really hate people with huge sighs.

To these people i would like to say,

What the FUCK is your problem? Can't you just fucking spell out what the hell's wrong instead of just exhaling really hard from time to time?!.

With every challenge i face head on, i grow a little wiser.

I really do see the cup half full, don't I?

Chill-lax-ing

2010-10-04T23:28:00.004+08:00

It used to be eat.sleep.dance.repeat.

Now its eat.sleep.work.repeat.

I am officially announcing that the bf is a workaholic. And in an attempt to not turn into one (so soon), i am determined to schedule at least one chill-lax event a week with not-so-stressed people to try and maintain my sanity.

What qualifies as a chill-lax event:

One that has two or more people including myself (duh)
At least one 'target board', preferably not me
Sufficient lame jokes and laughters so loud it annoys other people
At somewhere that's not too noisy so i can at least hear myself think
Preferably not before a work day (this is not compulsory)
If there's food it better be good
On a day I don't have to OT

prata @ kayu with the guys just now should qualify as one, next in line is xlb with the buddies on fridayyyyyyy.

Chill-lax is ohsogood for the soul!

2010-09-20T22:41:00.000+08:00

when you've said too much; its time to shut up.

monday luxury

2010-09-13T19:53:00.000+08:00

shower, dinner, watch show, sleep.

On a monday, this sounds luxurious. (:

2010-08-16T00:58:00.001+08:00

its been a long weekend though its jusst two days. perhaps its been long enough since i've had such intensive catching-up sessions, those were the school days. Just like all sundays, its time to quiet down and pack up all those hyped up energies and past-midnight bedtimes to start the week again tmr.
I guess everyone's moving forward at full speed.
peace and quiet does sound pretty good right now.

2010-08-10T21:43:00.002+08:00

When i walked out of IBP at 745pm just now, i didn't have to think. There's no way i'm gonna bus/train home after a Tuesday like this. I barely remembered what happened today..

Woke up early since I had a morning meeting (early meaning 7am) and contemplated to laze in bed and cab to work instead. Got into office early but somehow the work piled up on my desk seems impossible. I vaguely remember getting my morning coffee and answering some mails before being rushed off to xerox for meeting and site measurement. By the time we were done there, I was at the brink of starvation. But when i returned to office, all i could feel was the annoyance from all the non-stop phonecalls, they had to literally drraaagggg me to lunch.

Lunch was quiet today with the loving couple off to their luxurious 3-week europe trip and ah boy MIA. Returned back to office from lunch to go through another frantic rush of replying emails, calling caterers, briefing printers and waiting for designers to print out my graphics.

When i'm supposed to head out for my 330pm meeting, i was still on the phone with a client, submitting an order form online and editing a layout plan for my contractor all at the same time! (I never knew i could do that many things at once up until today)

My manager practically sped us to Sony all the way and the meetings started the moment we stepped it. It was a non-stop 4hours with departments after departments, team heads after team heads. The amount of information exchanged was crazy!

It was only at 730pm when everyone left, with lots of questions answered and yet countless 'i'll get back to you on this', that we realised that we needed to pee. hah!

It was dark, and i was so worn out that when i saw that nice shiny yellow cab with its green light on, I knew it was gonna take me home today.

And even on my journey home, I kept playing back in my head what meetings i have tomorrow, and who am i supposed to meet tomorrow etc. Apparently thinking beyond tomorrow is kinda stretching the limit right now.

ohmyfriggingod.

I so need to sleep.

2010-08-09T01:07:00.003+08:00

Phew, finally done with collection 3 launch. Somehow the two of us went crazy with shopping this time round and bought so much! haha, now we're finding the bulk a lil' too much to process. Oh wells, at least its something enjoyable afterall. But didn't realise its really that much till i sat my ass down and started processing all the photos.

Fang left my place around 7 just now, and i started with the photos ever since, thought i'd still be able to finish up and then soak in some of my hk drama, but apparently its already 1. And dre's gonna come round and pick me up soon. There's gonna be yummy congee!

After i finished my McChicken just now, i realise the chicken inside the McChicken is spicy. Its not supposed to be spicy rightt? But i finished the whole thing anyhow. haha

Love long weekends. Long weekend means i can sleep in till godknowshowlate tomorrow and then wake up and bask in some fav teevee time hopefully.

Its been an eventful month, and it'll just get busier. Well, at least i've managed to squeeze in a small amount of mj time, together with crapping with the buddies and TLC from ivy, makes the hideous week and crap drinks at zouk last night all pretty worth while. Not forgetting the healthy dosage of fruitful photo session today of course.

There is a mountain-load of work waiting for me after this long weekend. Starting with a tuesday filled with back-to-back meetings and with all my move-in drawing near, it is exciting yet scary at the same time.

I need to find a way to get my hands on some constant dosage of laughter if i want to keep my sanity, guess i'll just have to make do with my own sense of humour for the time being. :/

2010-08-04T23:37:00.001+08:00

facebook or msn, nothing beats a real phone call. 100% of my calls everyday is regarding work. Is there an unwritten rule that friends can only sms or chat on fb & msn?

I can't decide if its a good day or a bad day, well its the end of wednesday.
thought of the day: and then there were two.

Seems like its a day filled with randomness yet again.

more than restless

2010-07-26T12:42:00.002+08:00

They say its the 'Monday -Blues', I say more like 'Monday-Black'.
Its been a more-than-black monday, and i wonder how much darker it can go for the rest of the day. At least there's good dinner company to look forward to, otherwise its just gonna get more depressing each minute.

Kind of in need of some happy thoughts, but somehow happy-thoughts have all abandoned me for some happier person today. If only its just the usual restless days, nothing a good meal or some happy shows can't chase away. But today feels a lil' tricky.

Maybe its the weather, or maybe its the people.
Either or, its not going away anytime soon.

take it easy

2010-07-25T13:12:00.003+08:00

Give me a pillow and close the door.

Don't talk to me unless you have a really funny joke to tell cos i can really use one right now.

high speed!

2010-07-23T00:04:00.005+08:00

I want to blog about so many things but i'm so lethargic so let's put it in point form.

Random thoughts in no particular order:

I accidentally caught a part of my colleague's conversation involving the string of words 'hiphip-yoyo-wassup' and i can't get it out of my head
Receptionists at luxury hotels in sg certainly has impeccable service as compared to the marketing executives of a certain iconic mall at orchard, such !@#$%^*%&$ service is truly disappointing
Raener's getting so adorable that you'd wanna keep him for yourself
My hair is turning white
I wonder how long my days of 'knock-off-at-6pm' will last
I have a hostile and gay-ish colleague
Awesome office people have treated me to lunch for the 3rd time in 2 weeks (:
There's no difference in car insurance premium between my mom and I even though she's almost 60yrs old
I keep typo-ing in my emails, damnit.
Finally tried the food at I ♥ Taimei, thumbs up!
People want to go fly kite, what's so fun about flying kite?
A weekend of nothing-to-do, wake up at 11 to a light drizzle, chilling at the balcony with a good read and awesome coffee sounds luxurious right now
My thoughts are running way ahead of life right now, i need to shut up and quite thinking

Tomorrow marks the end of 2 weeks of work, it almost feels like i just started work yesterday. Payday is around the corner, though not an astronomical amount, but all the excitement is building up! It'll be like the lacking piece of hard evidence to convince myself that I've truly entered the workforce, on top of the name card, staff pass, my own direct line and corporate email address. And it coincidentally falls on the day of convocation, which marks the end of my tertiary education. That, i would like to call 'a seamless transition'. Life's not treating my too shabbily huh.

Till the next time i find time/energy for this space, may the elderly-s be well and the little ones grow happily.

Cheers!

2010-07-20T09:33:00.001+08:00

Arghhh, its a little stagnating here. Perhaps i should use this space to vent out all thise inner unpelasant energy.
Didn't exactly feel like i woke up on the right side of the bed, although both sides doesn't seem to differ much. There's this constant thought, or should i say worry that clouds my mind. However, it isn't all that intense, somehow it feels like its the lack of a positive energy around, something merry, something to laugh out loud like and idiot.
smoke.

2010-07-19T21:07:00.001+08:00

Give me back my Christmas Tree!!

All 60 ft of it!

2010-07-14T21:30:00.001+08:00

Today might just be the day i break out from total boredom!

for them

2010-07-07T02:09:00.002+08:00

It was a wedding, a beautiful wedding i believe. This beautiful girl got married, to someone who loves her very much i have no doubt.

This girl has always been a really good older sister to me somehow. She's always kind, smiley, and ready to give advice whenever i needed them. She has a brother whom i still remained close to, well close enough given the circumstances.

It was a wedding, a wedding with all present, but somehow the family pictures feel a little smaller than before.

I did pray, for them to be happy, for all of them. And i hope they all are.

When i look at some of these familiar faces, it still hurts a little to lose all that warmth and happiness that always feels me when i was little. Somehow, with a wicked twist of fate, life just spiraled out of control. Its hard to convince myself these are the very people who share the same blood with me. I hate them, for bringing all the pain and putting me through those crapshit moments, but at the same time, i did pray for them.

Maybe in another 10years, it gets easier.

I spoke to daddy,

I prayed for everyone to be safe at home.

I prayed for my job.

And i did pray for him to watch over them.

I did pray for them.

new level of stagnating

2010-07-05T18:13:00.005+08:00

Such a beautiful weather today, cloudy and slightly windy, but sadly the mood isn't anywhere near gorgeous. Perhaps its the lack of inspiration, or the lack of enthusiasm nowadays, or should i say the lack of anything to look forward to.

The excitement of graduation didn't even last a month.

and now, its has reached a whole new level of stagnant. There's no motivation for action, no deterrence for useless nonconstructive activities and hence no opportunity for the adrenaline rush. If i was a writer, this should be how a mental block feels like.

Its time like this i'm really glad I've at least got a blogshop i can call mine, something which needs my attention, where i can place my focus on from time to time, and put some thought into. But after all, it was meant to be some sort of a part-time issue (considering i had full-time responsibilities most of the time), and hence only part of my time is being utilized.

The other part, back to space-watching i guess.

I've resorted to searching for 'Finding Nemo' online to watch.

wow.

inspiration-less

2010-06-29T00:49:00.002+08:00

Why why why, why am i still putting off my major spring-clean plans? Well being unemployed for about a week now and there's still no inspiration floating in from anywhere. rawr!

Time to sleep.

what women want

2010-06-20T00:57:00.004+08:00

Women want a guy who respects our independence, but also wants to take care of us.

We want a guy who's secure, but also gets jealous.

We want a guy who truly listens to us, but also kinda wants us to shut up.

Women want an everything man.

nicely put.

unemployment

2010-06-17T10:36:00.001+08:00

I am officially unemployed;

and i miss NTU already :/

bml

2010-06-13T01:27:00.000+08:00

yesterday, i don't know what is bml.

today, i hate bml.

do

2010-06-12T03:50:00.001+08:00

The harder thing to do, is usually the right thing to do.

毕业

2010-06-07T22:34:00.002+08:00

这最后一个礼拜的学生生活就要来到尾声，那也让我二十年的学生生活画下了完美的句点。从四岁进幼儿班到现在大学毕业，终于可以深深的体会到父母对于我的教育所付出的一切用心。我也算是个幸福的小孩，从小进名校，有了非常优良的学习环境，尽责的师长，还有一般不断在旁鞭策我的同学。

一向自律就很差的我，总觉得很幸运，会有带方帽的一天。说起来也蛮可笑，大学读到一半，差点半途而废，辜负了妈咪的一番心血。一路走来的这五年，有着辛酸，也有一点点的骄傲。距离毕业典礼还有一个多月，但每次想起即将带着方帽，捧着毕业证书的画面，脸上就会不禁的露出心中满满的喜悦。

我看走到这一步，唯一遗憾的，就是爸无法与我们在当天拍张全家福吧。

Convocation 2010

2010-05-27T10:23:00.001+08:00

Only 5 lectures and 1 exam stands between me and my gown now.

Convocation, here i come!

This time

2010-05-26T23:30:00.004+08:00

This time, the stakes are so much higher.

This time, the wait is so much tougher.

This time, the numbness in my fingers lasts so much longer.

This time, the voices in my head sounds so much stronger.

This time, the outcome will hit so much harder.

Just this time. And may this be the very last time.

Its been a long wait and now its down to this last 30mins. For days i dare not think, think about the future, think about the possibilities, the alternatives. Assuming either a good or a bad outcome, i constantly feel that i will jinx it. And i even made a deal with myself, or rather with the non-existent power i'm not sure i believe in. Illogical as it may sound, i know that believing is indeed a very powerful tool in times like this. The thought of having something to rely on, whether to make a bargain or to seek some sort of outcome in return for something else, is just taking comfort in being relief for that moment, that everything is all the doing of yourself.

Its always been understood, by my heart and my brain, that we're all in control of our own lives; the choices we make, the outcomes of our actions, and how we deal with everything we face. Yes indeed. who am i to kid myself that there is indeed someone/something out there we know for sure is going to take care of everything we ask for.

Perhaps this temporary act to strike a deal with a "higher power" does in fact make one feel that little bit safer, that little bit more hopeful, and that little bit more willing to believe.

Being stuck in between the two evils of my head, i am constantly falling between the two sides of logic and belief respectively. I don't know if i want time to pass faster, or slower. I don't know if i'm supposed to think of the worse. I don't know if i ought to prepare myself. And i didn't know for a long time.

It is indeed a big world out there, and somehow i feel like tonight, we will find out if the world is big enough to fit me in it.

Just May

2010-05-24T01:30:00.004+08:00

Now now, this space has been sitting here since exams are over and collecting dust i say!

I guess there hasn't been much blogging-material events happening around to actually take time to write it down, but still, i think its just an excuse for all the laziness.

Like i said exams ended and may started. Let's see, there was the mad last-min rush for fyp, preparation for presentation, the presentation itself, then countless efforts to catch-up with everyone like promised, well lots of sms exchanged but actually meeting up, not so much. -shrugs.

People are just busy nowadays. Oh and there was wedding announcements, career planning and the endless string of heart-racing moments whenever i think about results being released.

3 more days to official release, i'm just gonna keep my fingers crossed.

This marks the end of fyp,

it was a precious moment captured. (:

more love; more risk

2010-05-04T22:18:00.002+08:00

i never knew i can love you more than i already do, but at the same time, more love does bring more risk for hurt doesn't it.

Photo shoot day!

2010-04-18T01:16:00.005+08:00

waoh, i'm getting lazy to blog, but today's photoshoot day! Love photoshoots. (:

And now for some behind-the-scenes shots.

Setting out the 'backdrop'. Thought the red stool adds a certain artistic touch.

photographer's workspace. Has a pretty ikea-ish feel i must say.

Make-up: a very important step.

The mess that contributes to the shoot. I find my curtains pretty useful at this point of time. (:

He just walked into our shot. oh wells.

Hoorays to my little red canon for producing such brilliant shots today! Can't wait to finish editing the photos and launch them all (:

Invictus

2010-04-03T18:20:00.001+08:00

"I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul"

losing colours

2010-04-01T04:18:00.003+08:00

I know the what, i just don't know the why, and the how. Ok maybe i know the how buy i don't know the whole 'how'.

Somehow its fatigue beyond any amount of breaks you take will suffice. And unknowns so many its getting tiring to try figuring out. What exactly lies beneath the proper way of doing things, and also behind these irrational words i'm churning out, if only there's someone who has the answers to all the questions i ask, then maybe just for a little while, there might be a little colour again.

Colours.

Lost them in the vast sea of reality, which somehow looks black and white to me.

My 24th Birthday

2010-03-28T02:04:00.005+08:00

Pre-birthday dinner at sis' on Thursday, had a sumptuous steamboat. It was satisfying.

I spent the last few minutes of the night counting down to my birthday in front of the comp and freaking out about a report that was due the next day. So much for growing another year older right. But the boyf was the sweetest. (:

Slept in till afternoon on 26th March, then checked in at Quincy at about 2.

And coincidentally, Quincy turns one on my birthday too! And so we were invited to their birthday bash the same night. (: Although we didn't attend the party in the end, now i know i have a little sister 23years younger than me, standing tall behind Mount Elizabeth.

We ended up at Elizabeth Hotel next door for dinner at Modesto's. The steak was good! But i wasn't that hungry actually, after the very filling lunch we had at Soup Restaurant in the afternoon. But lunch was good as well! It was the most expensive tapioca leaves i've eaten but tastes like real good zi-char. haha

Our room number was 909, nice right! And that's my complimentary birthday cake on the house. One good tiramisu at 11pm at night and we couldn't sleep till like 3+? Plus the awesome teevee placed right in the middle of the wall, letting you lie comfortably in bed to watch, heaven.

Breakfast was alright, but lunch was better. I think their package of all food included is pretty good. This way the entire hotel feels pretty exclusive to all guests. (:

Checked out after lunch and went back to slack for awhile before Kervin came over to dre's. Went for dinner at Thai Express!

Dre and keegay were gay enough to wear the same shirt, i think again. And thanks for the present and all your presence! Especially the boyf for such a sweet arrangement. (:

I hope this little getaway can leave me recharged enough to last till graduation!

I'm Twenty-Four!

Sunday morning

2010-03-21T02:20:00.000+08:00

I wish everything will go away when i wake up in the morning.

just another day

2010-03-21T01:20:00.003+08:00

When will it ever come to an end? My mental block.

Every time i try to sum up my feelings in a sentence, countless things just pops into my head. A thought always leads to another, and it almost never stops, until it gets tiring to even think. The chain of thoughts, it so uncontrolled, and mostly not comforting.

Its like my thoughts always spiral out of control, and more often than not, downwards.

Some things just change.

And change, isn't always good.

Even when its good, will i always know?

What exactly lies in tomorrow.

I don't really want to know.

scrapped.

2010-03-19T03:10:00.002+08:00

my latest creation. (:

Something good did happen today afterall!

goodbye to lab

2010-03-12T11:39:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, i just cannot stand the sight of some bimbos and over-whiney girls.
like STOP WHINING and ACTING CUTE, you're just getting on my nerves. So what if we're girls, grow up and get a life already. Like all those 'cos my girlfriend's not going, so i'm not going'; and 'my DARLING is the bestest in the world!'. omfg.
Similarly, those guys who indulge in these needy and over-dependent girls are just lame as well. So you need to feel in control and someone needs you all the time? Go get a dog or something. Yes your dog will need you, cos if you don't feed it, it'll actually die. Like die die, not cry and say wanna die.

Goodness.

On a better note, today marks the end of all major testings in the lab. Meaning no more days of crap-dressing and ugly lab boots, no more cuts or bruises or blue-blacks, no more covered with a layer of dust, and most importantly no more getting scolded from lab techs for nothing. Potentially, i'll never ever step into the lab again, so they can keep all their valuable opinions for all the future batches of fyp students to come.
I know i do sound a little arrogant here but hello, who are you to start interrogating me on my designs and tests results? If i knew exactly how to operate all those damn machines, i'll jolly well do them myself. But no, you guys are PAID to operate the machines and help us conduct our tests. As for the designs and datas, why not just leave them to us the poor students, who spent thousands of dollars for a decent education at the university actually going through courses that teach us just that.
For one i know i will never be a technician all my life, and you're damn right when you say that in just a couple of months, we will be the engineers and you, still the lab techs. So please, be thankful we put up with your bullshit all this time and get your fucking job done.

phew. that felt good (:

My Superwoman

2010-03-05T22:08:00.003+08:00

My mom says that my sis' house looks like they cannot do without her, but i say i'm the one who cannot do without my mom around.

for the period of time that my mom stayed at my sis', my house is in a mess, the floor's not vacuumed or mopped, my clothes are all held captive either in the laundry basket or the ironing room, the fridge is always empty, there isn't even hot water in the house.

I am a total disaster at this, i swear.

Now that mommy comes home every night, at least there's hot water every day, my clothes are washed (although not ironed), and once in awhile i get clean floors. (:

The newborn has not only forced my mom to full-time as a nanny, my sis to level-up in her motherly duties to nurture her little ones, but also for me to actually take care of myself.

ohmygod.

It definitely is NOT easy to expand my home-alone diet to include anything more than maggie mee.

This whole growing up gig sucks. ):

think about tomorrow

2010-02-28T01:25:00.003+08:00

Feels like this space has been neglected for quite some time.

Thoughts are confusing recently, let alone making sense out of all of them. Life has been weird, as if i'm falling between right and wrong constantly. Sometimes i can't really tell them apart.

Those were the days when life was simple. It was indeed simple before.

There was a time, when life, though not perfect, had its splendid moments. Now we're just finding ourselves at crossroads all the time, wondering which way to go. Yes its tiring, and yes most of the time we know what we ought to do, but not always things goes the way its planned.

As i'm writing this, i am in just another one of those moments i find myself in very so often nowadays. loss of direction.

Is it just what we want in life that matters? if so, what?

Is it just what other's expect from us that matters? if so, who?

Who exactly is justified to pin such expectations on us anyway. And who are we trying to prove wrong always?

The fatigue may very well be the fact that i'm way past my bedtime, or otherwise, I'm not sure.

Can life just be about passion only? Can life be filled with just the things we like? Can life ever be so fulfilling like they say in the novels? Will i find the answers to my questions one day.

Just how much more does one has to give? Aren't we just testing our limits everyday, forever pushing ourselves, talking ourselves out of giving up, convincing ourselves that its the right thing to do.

Feelings, does it have no more say at all? How many can actually claim to have followed their hearts at least twice a day. To be able to feel, isn't it the fundamental difference we have with machines and even animals? So where do we stand now, when everything gets just too practical and realistic, when the moments doesn't make your heart skip a beat anymore, and smiling yourself silly at the thought of someone is just labelled as cliche nowadays.

Even though its meaningless to just live in the past, but don't you think trying to live a better future is just getting harder? At least it is to me.

If you're not sure of a better tomorrow, please just let me stay in today, for tomorrow might just be a little too much to handle.

Search your heart and if you find something you'd really wanna do, never talk yourself out of it because of some reason no matter how practical it is, because once you start doubting that passion of yours, you'll never be as sure again.

growing up

2010-02-21T02:28:00.001+08:00

i don't wanna grow up!
arghhh.

it's complicated

2010-02-18T12:01:00.003+08:00

There's so many moments a certain thought will pop into my head and i'll make this mental note to blog about it, and yet there's so many times i've logged on and found my head free of thoughts suddenly.

a loss for words.

Is my memory failing me? or is my writing skills deteriorating so badly i can't seem to put my thoughts into words anymore? Does that mean this is going to turn into just another space where i tell you what i ate for dinner or who pissed me off today?

well, it's scary just thinking of it.

Expressions, communications, and putting your thoughts into words, i realised, isn't as simple as it sounds. Not only should your words effectively bring across what goes through your mind, but it must also mean the same thing to your audience as well. The latter, i find pretty tricky sometimes. Individuals differ in almost every aspects you can think of, well not so much on the gender side but personality, culture, background, education, etc. And such vast differences may sometimes lead to a difference in understanding so huge, you find yourself tongue-tied.

As we slowly grow up, we find ourselves in different situations, meeting different people, and taking in truckloads of information about them. We might pick up a few tricks in learning to communicate with people here and there, yes. But out of a 100 message brought across to me, there are about 50 times where i secretly thought "oooh! i thought he meant something else..." afterward. and let's not forget, there are the other 50 times we'll never really find out if the message we understood, was the message intended.

sigh, it really is complicated.

long festive season

2010-02-16T03:51:00.002+08:00

It was indeed a loooooonng festive season., and yet it passed so quickly.

Almost time to get back to the routine of life and mugging begins. Quizzes and deadlines are drawing near, and so is graduation. With the new addition to the family, all these festivities all over the place, days are passing to fast!

Its been two straight days of visiting, and not forgetting all the major hoo-haas of reunion and all. But somehow this year's a little different from the last, as always. It was a first at the bf's and boy it was an experience indeed. Its been long since i did visiting at someone else's family apart from my own.

And i need more sleep. And more time to do work.

Honestly, in a very weird way, i can't wait to go back to school and doing work and all, even if there's fyp waiting for me. I know it weird, and if only this sort of compulsion to do work came to me like 2 years earlier, then maybe, just maybe i would be sitting on a comfortable 4.8GPA now or something. haha, oh wells.

I need more sleep, i need to drink more water, and i need to mug for the avalanche of quizzes drawing near.

google chrome

2010-02-07T01:33:00.003+08:00

google chrome indeed is faster than IE, but i'm wondering if its because its still new and doesn't have all those bookmarks of a lifetime.

On a more interesting note, not all the website looks the same in chrome and in IE, some html work differently.. and i wonder why. So how exactly does chrome work? hmmm

And no matter where i'm typing an input, chrome has this constant spell checks going on, which helps sometimes when your spelling kind of sucks like mine sometimes, and it'll certainly help those who wants to improve their spelling. But on the contrary, you'll find all these little red lines under your words (like those in microsoft words) when you use singlish. annoying.

Cafe world does load a little faster on chrome, which is good i guess.. and it doesn't let the entire browser after that. one more point for chrome! (:

Its going to be another sunday, followed by another monday.

Enjoy the weekend while its still here!

irresistably annoying

2010-02-01T13:05:00.004+08:00

It was just a simple bus ride into school, some people just can't spare me the luxury of a peaceful time and has to go on and on about some childish ranting.
It was just a damn report for christ sake, and i didn't realise how one can have so much complaints about a fellow classmate scoring slightly better grades even though his efforts put in did not seem to justify his A- or whatevercraphegot. She (thecomplainingbitch), sounds like she's putting into action some mass protest against this whole unfair grading thing whatsoever.
omfg.
can't you just leave it that perhaps he's got much better writing skills than you? Or that your beloved professor is just another lazyass who doesn't give too much shit about the contents of your report? I mean professors are still humans right, if i've got like 10 copies of 45-page-long reports to read every week, i really don't think i'm gonna sit there diligently and go through every single word and all the references you've made. I'm sure he's got some better things to do.
Through an unexpected chat i had with my discipline mistress back JC, i've learnt that schools do pretty much everything for a reason, and not so much of an outcome. The simple act of restricting hair colour, or socks colour etc, is just to instill some sense of discipline. Honestly speaking, i don't think it makes anyone happier just cause the entire school had white socks on.
I've come to a point that for everything i do, i'd always like to evaluate the rationale of it, the reason behind doing something, and the ultimate goal i should achieve by doing it. Doesn't it just makes you question when people asks you to do things blindly?
Just because the GPA systems has a 5point cap, so that's all i should take away from my university?
There's just so many instances i've come across where from my point of view, i see people just blindly following, just because someone said so. Critical thinking people, critical thinking.
At the end of the day, I'd like to think that my education will mean more than just a cert and a GPA grade.

never ending

2010-01-28T00:27:00.002+08:00

seriously, this is a huge problem. I constantly have this long list of things i have to do but no matter how i plan it, how i try to figure out where and when i'm gonna do all the stuff, they just never get done, and my list never gets shorter. well yes, sometimes, when i suddenly decides to discard the last one and create a brand new one, you know start anew that kinda shit, but it'll forever be longer than the last.
the bf would be muttering some sort of disdain under his breathe while reading this post, i know. but i can't help it! arghh.
stupid me and my procrastination.
i really wonder, what exactly will it take for me to get my ass off and start trying to reduce that mega-long list of things to-do every single day! the fact that i'm feeling awake at the wrong time of the day isn't a good thing.
Right now, i have to be awake in about 8 hours to get dressed in formal, blow dry my hair, match my shoes with my bag. and before that, i've got a resume to do up, and type a cover letter that will 'shine', finish up a tutorial for tomorrow afternoon, confirm my lunch appointment and try to remember my dinner date with the darling i took a raincheck on today.
And i haven't figured out my friday still, which is constantly lingering at the back of my head.
Yet, there's already another list of stuff i've got to get done this weekend, including catching up on 3 weeks of reading, analyse my experiment data, fix up the meeting with my prof early next week, and not forgetting stuff i've got to get done for my mom which i'm sure is wayyyy overdue. oh, talking about overdue, i'm sure the 3 library books sitting on my shelf are either overdue or soon-to-be. crap, now i've got to add 'visit the library' to my already long list.

not exactly a brilliant day :/

when we were young

2010-01-27T01:22:00.002+08:00

now i remember why we had so much fun when we were young.
When it still doesn't matter how our hair looks, whether we've got makeup on, does our outfit match our shoes, the simplest of happiness just derives from the things we do and the people around us. Nothing else matters as much. It was just endless conversations and sincere laughters that didn't matter whether we disturbed our neighbours, all our individual weird ethics and moments of unglam-ness.
Dressed in oversized-ugly-ntu-polo and half-folded-neither-high-nor-low jeans today, sneakers that barely matches anything else, fringe all pinned up and makeup-less, i had a really awesome day just taking in the surrounding just as it is. I can rub my eyes whenever i want, sit at the carpark floor, and run in my shoes without worrying about my skirt or heels. And best of all, i had my trusty crumpler to house all my barangs, keeping my hands free wherever i go.
I didn't keep worrying if my mascara smudged, my face is oily, my skirt too short, my heels biting me, my hair not in place, or my bag doesn't match my outfit. Perhaps that's why i'm still all hyped up after 18hours straight of work and play surviving on 4hrs of sleep last night.
And also partly cause i can sleep in tomorrow. hah.
It was another full day in the lab again, with my clothes all dusty and my jeans dirty from the workshop, not forgetting bruises i discovered all over without knowing how i got them. All the climbing and the fixing and the un-fixing, really makes me feel like a construction worker for a moment.
Then again, i sincerely believe in upholding one's image when neccessary. With my tertiary education coming to an end, i guess luxury days like this of not having to bother about how i look is indeed getting more and more rare.
Let us just bask in these dress-down days while we still can, shall we? (:

cake vs wisdom

2010-01-25T14:10:00.002+08:00

omg, i'm such a procrastinating idiot.
Got woken up by the extreme drilling 2 hours before my alarm went off and it just screws up my monday.
its 2pm in the afternoon now, and i'm torn in between packing up and getting ready to leave for my 430 class, or staying at home and celebrate my sis' birthday with her tonight - i saw the awfully chocolate cake in the fridge btw.

i know it is just an excuse for myself, since i don't think it really makes a difference whether i'm around to sing her birthday song for her? But it just makes me feel sad to walk away from all those lovely family times with candles and photos and fresh chocolate cake of course. (i hate to eat the leftover pice from the fridge becos it feels extra cold to be eating it alone :/)

cake or wisdom?
crap

staying behind

2010-01-20T21:27:00.003+08:00

does distance really make alot of difference?
One may go on and on about the benefits of advanced technologies today, with all the high-speed communication, higher resolution photo-imaging, the ability to bring the world closer to you, a shrinking world etc, it doesn't exactly feel realistic somehow.
Or perhaps we've just been exploiting this benefit of technological advancement, that we've totally given up on the true way of communication.
typing has replaced our speech, emoticons and smiley faces have replaced our expression. We have now placed ourselves behind this even thicker facade of a computer screen, and only let prints through to the other party.
How many of you still remember what your friend's handwriting looks like?

Behind all my indulgence in technological gadgets like laptops and PDAs, i think i'm still stuck in the times where i much prefer snail mail over emails, phone calls over texts, meetings over phone calls, and a spastic sing-along pop-up birthday card then an e-card.
I know, i'm a sucker for the past sometimes. :/

locked out

2010-01-17T15:16:00.002+08:00

its a fucked up locked door, sets the mood totally wrong for a sunday.
i'm getting pissed off at every little thing.

abit slow

2010-01-12T16:48:00.003+08:00

wahlao, after i finish internship then they have Primavera on the school's system. abit late right..I think after the next batch graduates then the school will decide to include this wide-ly used software in the syllabus. which doesn't really make sense, but well. keeping up with the times huh.
At least cafe world doesn't load as slowly as at home, which makes up for it i guess, in a certain warped way. hah
Anyway, i was just wondering, are we allowed to blog about this certain professor i feel incompetent? I mean its abit sensitive, since he's from this certain other country, which i feel led to his incompetence, not exactly bias on a whole, but the fact that he's from there makes him kinda bias and not-trustworthly i say, to teach this particular subject. I mean you can't blame me for feeling like i can't learn much from him right, especially when i kinda doubt his point of view. He himself mentioned that professors from different places and background studies have found different conclusions and point of views, but yet he's adopting this particular author's point of view, which happens to be the same as his because they're from the same place. Ok, this is getting rather touchy, but oh wells. i'm here to learn right, perhaps learning from someone i don't agree with for once shall make me a better person. somehow.
okaysss, me shall go make me a better me in lecture now.
meeeee!!! (:

start of sem two

2010-01-11T13:45:00.002+08:00

first day of school, and i'm in class, about 15 minutes late since i can't find the damn lecture hall.. Then this not-very-good-looking foriegn girl comes to sit beside me and started taking notes in her tiny notebook..
I really shouldn't be so bias.
Anyway, i'm in this class called chinese economy and i have a china lecturer, so far the lecture sounds like a very patriotic lecturer promoting his country. its been an hour of china,megatrends, miracles, yadayada. Hope it'll be a better hour ahead (:

good sleep

2010-01-09T16:03:00.002+08:00

I had a pretty good sleep because,
1. I slept at 6am
2. I dreamt of quite alot of things but nothing scary or gross like a milipede
3. I read before i slept
4. There wasn't thunderous drilling in the morning.

Hence i conclude it was a good sleep, but whether the day turns out well, its another story altogether.

500 days of summer

2010-01-08T05:25:00.002+08:00

Interesting show really, its not a love story, as stated right from the beginning, just about a boy who met a girl.
Her name is Summer, and i really like her. In some ways she's skeptical, neurotic and sees the world in this weird way. Some may find her selfish, she's always doing something because she wants to, she feels like, but isn't that a good enough way to live? I supposed its humanely impossible to live a life pleasing everyone, so perhaps doing yourself a favour by doing things because you want to, is a good enough way to live.
Many times we compromise ourselves, telling ourselves we're doing this for the good of who-and-who, but are we really that giving? or are we just looking for a excuse to make things easier for ourselves? Its always easier when someone else makes the choice for you, because then you don't have to be held responsible for the outcome. It then takes more courage to be selfish, and to make the choices yourself, because when the time comes, you'll have to fight for yourself.
Then again, its my life, and i ought to be responsible for all the choices i make, otherwise it wouldn't be called 'my life' would it?

i hate crawlies

2010-01-08T03:16:00.003+08:00

I found something i hate more than cutting steel. An even worse job is to deal with creepy crawlies everyday. I hate crawlies, not in the im-so-cute-and-fragile-i-hate-lizards kinda way, but ill-punch-your-face-if-you-try-to-scare me kinda way. When i was younger, i used to get really angry at people who do that, i'm pretty sure i've evolved to the stage of engaging in physical or at least verbal violence already.
Well i can't help it if i'm growing up right?

Perhaps i shouldn't sleep so early, i'll just get woken up at 3 in the morning by some stupid nightmare of a milipede. :/

not so good

2010-01-07T01:04:00.003+08:00

I tried to watch Borat but it was so boring.
I went to school today but it was a wasted trip.
I brought my phone to the service center today, but it couldn't be fixed.
I decided to buy a phone today, but the one i want is oos island-wide.
I bought another pack of ice today, but it turned out to be not ice again.

but i did watch Sherlock Holmes today, which turned out pretty good. Some sort of like old-time CSI thing going on. And other than that, i'm one day nearer to starting school.

I want my nokia6760!

a Pleasant surprise

2010-01-05T02:16:00.002+08:00

Today, i received a really pleasant surprise in the mailbox. Its a New Years' Card from my host parents in Japan when i did my exchange there about 8 years ago.
How the time flies, and yet i receive either a christmas or a newyear card from them each year, sometimes accompanied with a photo even. They're really a family of the loveliest.
I remember how my host mother will always wake me up with the aroma of her grilled fish every morning, and every home-cooked meal was delicious. They had small gatherings to introduce they're culture and food to me, and even brought me exploring the city. Even though we had difficulties in communicating, it didn't stop them from making me feel at home every minute of my stay there.
Really miss Japan :/
I shall me one of the top places i want to revisit in the future (:
Pleasantries apart, lab work today was hardcore labour. Who'd though drilling some small screws into a couple of steel plates was so difficult. There was massive alignment to do, clamping and un-clamping, and not forgetting we're working with steel sections that are too heavy for one to carry alone. It was indeed one full day of hard work, but if you ask me, cutting steel was still the lousier job.
With fyp pretty much on the way, school's starting in a week's time. Timetable has yet to be finalised and hopefully if everything goes the way as planned, i'll be living a comfortable 4-day week this sem! Looking forward (:

fujitsu is really old

2010-01-03T15:54:00.002+08:00

There's one little sad fact that i have to accept: Cafe World lags my comp.
Like seriously lags my com. Even after i closed it, my IE seems to be in this constant state of slow-ness that extra patience is required with every click and any other movement of the mouse. sigh
I think it really is time to replace my fujitsu in some way.
Its been a good 5 years, well done! (:

photo-memories

2010-01-03T05:33:00.003+08:00

New year with a new layout. Hope this is simple enough it doesn't give me some pop-up problem again. All these internet virus stuff are getting on my nerves really, especialy msn. Latest victim of the msn virus is Mr. Robert. It keeps popping up whenever i log on with some stupid msg with a stupid link. damn.
oh wells, i was thinking of reliving some fond moments of 2009 when i realise i've actually got quite short-term memory. I can barely remember what happened in the first half of the year, plus with the lack of photos, i can safely say my brain barely contain the contents of only half of 2009. :/

Event of the year has to go to my dear korkor's wedding.

It was a night to remember. Apart from the constant chaos, there was the major fatigue everyone was trying to power through the entire day. And i mean entire day.

Then there was the meticulously-planned proposal. From the shirt-painting to the venue-recee, every meeting didn't fail to progress as slowly as possible with the constant interruption, it also never fails to fill your hearts with constant laughter. (:

The little darling fell sick for the first time. That week was the most horrible week for the babysitter. Apart from not being able to tell what he want (since he's whining more than usual), it is indeed a heartache everytime you see the little frown on his face. :/

This 60-page wedding guestbook is my largest craft project yet. And also one that was made on request. Everything else was made on my own time and in my own free-will as gifts whatsoever. It is, indeed, a major breakthrough i guess. I sure hope i'll keep on crafting.

Everything else has been eventful, including my Phuket trip where i dropped my newly-bought camera into the vicious sea water on my birthday, and the short internship i did with reflections, not forgetting my brief stint at spree-ing (which i've still put on hold for now), and also stepping into the final phase of my life as a student. Brilliant year it was, and may 2010 be way more awesome. Cheers!

Welcome 2010!

2010-01-01T07:00:00.002+08:00

its 2010!
I suppose now is a good time to look back at 2009 and conclude that i was a good year afterall (:
This new year, just like the last, begins with a good feel. 2010 is going to be a good year, i can feel it in my bones, just like how i did last year.
2009 passed really fast, but it was awesome. There were several happy weddings, many joyous gatherings, abundance of laughters and friends, and progress was good in school. It feels like a different time, where life moves on to another period where days pass so quickly you barely have the time to stop and think. But i'm glad many things turn out the way it did. (:
To welcome the new year, we wrote all our wishes on this big red lantern and let it off just now, and it floated so high until it disappeared into the lightly-tinted sky at 6am. And that's why everyone's going to have a great year ahead.

And with the new year comes new year resolutions.
This year, i'm going to attend convocation, adopt a good sleeping habit (so much for blogging at 7am), unfriend procrastination, complete more craft projects, read newspaper, find a good job, own more pretty shoes, read more widely, sleep more, be more organised, and be more thankful for all i've got in my life.

In celebration of the good 2009 i've got, i'm going to make sure 2010 turns out to be brilliant. (:

2009-12-29T22:52:00.002+08:00

Christmas is awesome, in a certain way. Weirdly, its all the large amount of money i've spent boosting the economy and my friends' pockets thats providing all these christmas-y spirit. Oh wells, its the season of sharing, ain't it.
Apart from my late christmas gifts (yet again), Christmas is pretty much enjoyable. I guess staying up till wee hours in the morning while surviving on bare minimal energy and random shoutings at each other makes up a large part of a good christmas somehow.
Anyhow, i'm refraining from looking at my bank balance, in case i get this sudden heart attack that takes my life at 23. All in all, it shall be a good christmas (unless my exam results inhumanely takes all the joy away tomorrow).
oh yes, results comes out tmr. i hope god will be kind to me.

Merry Christmas!

white christmas

2009-12-25T16:39:00.002+08:00

When i was i child, i was always excited to wake up on Christmas morning to see that gift 'Santa' left for me, either beside my bed, or in that pillow case i've put out the night before. I'll shout with excitment and run to my mom and dad with my new crayon set or hugeass Minnie Mouse.
And then i can't remember when mystery Santa's gifts stopped coming, but i was contented with all the growing up excitment as well.
There's always lots to look forward to during Christmas and its the looking forward to it that builds up all that Christmas spirit.

Its just different this year.
May your Christmas be white.

sick in their mnds

2009-12-20T01:35:00.003+08:00

What kind of sick bastards will still be Neo-Nazis nowadays.
Its heart-breaking enough to learn about the cruel history left for us in books, pictures, survivors testimonies, articles and all. And to follow the through with the sick past and all its horrible notions, these people are sick in their minds. Its like the same brainless thoughts that was going through sick people like Hitler.

Anyway Hitler sucked, no matter how great he was as a leader whatsoever, just like that dunnowhat Japanese General who invaded Singapore. Oh well, these assholes sometimes makes me feel pretty patriotic. But i'm sure its just human instincts.
Screw those sick bastards.

idierts

2009-12-16T22:03:00.000+08:00

some people just have their brains growing on their asses.

its the season to be jolly

2009-12-16T00:39:00.003+08:00

It is indeed a good time of the year (:
It is time to give thanks for the many good things we have in life which we take for granted each day, and fill the air with love and joy for the festive season! there's just so much to be thankful for, i don't exactly know where to start, but here's just a few things i can think of..

i studied and went for all my papers, eventhough i know i could have done that little bit more, i'm quite pleased with what i've put in this semester. (:
sis' first baby is growing up fast and cute, and the second one on the way is healthy and so is the mom.
a good friend of mine just got happily married, after all that hardwork, i would say it's all worth it.
although my darling fujitsu is old and makes noises, it still serves me well as long as i have a little patience.
i have a nice cosy room to myself, with sunshine in the morning and enough space for me to dance around.
eventhough i'm not at home as often as i would like to be, mommy still loves me and i love her a whole lot more!
i have enough craft materials to last me at least another 10 craft projects (:
i've taken lots of pretty photos and makes great material for crafting this festive season!
i'm officially debt-free from all banks *yay!*
the bf loves me dearly, and i know it ;)

Happy holidays everyone!

2009-12-07T20:16:00.001+08:00

don't remind me of the reasons i gave myself to stop loving.
you don't wanna go there.

instinctive love

2009-12-06T01:56:00.002+08:00

instinctive love.
is no matter what happens or what you do, you'll still go back to the same person at the end of the day.

it took the purest of answer to put away all the questions one may have, all the worries there might be, and lots more happiness a clouded judgement might bring. it isn't all that hard, if there is indeed one such person, whom you'll always want to go back to, be it a good or a bad day you had, after hearing the best or the worst news, i guess there is such a thing called 'instinctive love'.

and hence the vows say, 'for better or for worse'.

to my love,
whether or not i end up being your mrs., that i don't know. but i do know you're one of a kind, and the rarest one who put love through to me in a way i never knew existed.
as you stumble into my heart, make sure you grab a cushion and get comfortable, because you're not going anywhere anytime soon.

2009-12-05T03:02:00.002+08:00

its is not good to put thoughts into my head, its been a long time since that happened, but it still isn't an advisable thing to do.
My head is constantly filled with thoughts as it is, to increase the variety of alternatives and topics just means more hazzard most of the time. I've always thought of myself as an open-book, easily-read, but not very easily-understood. The connections between my thoughts, the way my logic lay out in front of me, and the conclusions i draw from things often surprise me even before it does to anyone else. That's if there is an anyone-else to actually figure it out.
Analytical skills may be the best and the worst thing engineering school taught me. The taking in all varying conditions, and considering different alternatives and its consequences doesn't always provide the best solutions.
Science will always be science, it'll never be humane, it'll always be replacable by numbers and symbols.

Anyway, i've always thought of myself as more of an Arts person.